I’ve Come To A Conclusion

People waste far too much of their life doing nothing.

Like, have you ever noticed how much of the day you spend sitting around? Or waiting? Or doing absolutely nothing at all?

I’m not downing doing nothing, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, one just needs a do nothing day. But sometimes, when you look back, it seems like a large portion of your life was a do nothing day.

Scary isn’t it? Realizing that you’ve failed to chase something in your life.

Realizing that you’ve gone nowhere and done nothing.

It’s hard to realize that your life is not much more than a blip on eternity’s radar. It’s hard to accept that in order to shout into the annals of history, you need to lead a revolution or end one. Or something equally difficult.

I know one thing for certain, no one remembers the guy who spent his whole life sitting in a cube in an office somewhere.

No one remembers the guy who decided to just go with the flow and do what everyone else was doing because he didn’t want to be left out.

No one remembers that time they drove under the speed limit.

No one remembers that time that they did exactly what was expected of them and nothing more.

No one remembers mediocre people.

So..

With this in mind, why not start today? Quit that boring old job and live life a new way.

Go out and explore, there’s plenty to do. You could write a new book or even visit the zoo.

Get in the your car and drive for the fun of it, you’ll never find new places if you stick to the known.

Stop in at that quaint little shop you’ve seen but never tried, and have a slice of their pie.

Be abnormal.

Greet and compliment strangers and watch their faces light up.

Put down your phone and ask for directions from someone you don’t know.

Be brave.

Stare outside of your comfort zone and take a big leap.

Push that gas pedal a little bit harder and watch your heart do the same.

Be astounding.

Why not just travel the world? You have the money, now all you need is the ticket.

Fly to England and marvel at the food, or stay a night down under and see a Koala.

Why not?

Ask that question.

When posed with an opportunity, ask your self; Why not?

That question opened doors for me.

Accept, that life doesn’t have to be what other people tell you it should be.

Life is what you make it. So make it a good one.

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Off Into The Wild Blue Yonder…

Have you ever felt that what you’re doing, is exactly what it is you’re supposed to be doing? 

Feels great eh?

You see, in two weeks time, this author, and this computer, will be in Costa Rica. Cast far from our comfort zone and out into the wild lands far away. This is perhaps one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done, and yet, it is at the same time the most frightening. I’ve never been that far from home for that long before. It’s truly humbling to think of. My whole world has been this free American one for my entire life. Now I go to do what He has called me to do. 

I even did the impossible, I garnered my parents support. 

I’ve accomplished much in the last month since I reached the conclusion that this was right for me. 

Goals that seemed impossible only a short time ago have been accomplished. Soon, my world will change. 

This will be an experience that I won’t soon forget. 

This is the moment I come alive. 

Welcome to my life. 

~Pajamaed

Hold Me Now

Have you ever been so scared that you didn’t know which way to look because that fear will always be there?

Always haunting.

Always present.

You pray desperately for the end, for confidence that you did the right thing, but you aren’t sure.

And you feel like you can’t be.

Dear God am I afraid.

I made the decision to pursue going to Costa Rica for at least a month.

The concept of it is starting to sink in, and I can’t remember the last time I was so afraid.

I have been given an ultimatum by my mother, who is not supportive of this decision at all.

I have to come up with the money all on my own.

In about a month.

Oh God help me.

This is the first time I’ve ever really been on my own, and I am terrified. I don’t want to admit it to them. They’d tell me its a better idea to stay home.

Go to college.

Be normal.

Of course, If I am not accepted into the program then there is nothing I can do.

I don’t think there are words to describe accurately how I feel.

Anxious. Anxiety. Excitement. Fear.

It would be so easy to just stay here. To do what they want me to, to be what they want me to be. But that’s not me. I still plan on doing some of the things they want me to do, but just not right now. I’m putting things on hold. I’m going out of my comfort zone and I am afraid. It’s so unknown, so far away. I love my family. I love my parents and my brothers, but I need to do this.

This is what I feel I should do.

If it’s meant to be, it’ll be possible. If not.. then it won’t be.

I love that song. Hold me now, by Red.

I need some comfort and assurance, but I don’t know that I can get it.

Trust in God, He knows better than you do. ~pajamaed

 

Break Every Chain

I love praise and worship.

It might be because I secretly love to sing, but I really love praise and worship.

The church I attend weekly has fantastic worship, at all three services on Sunday. Though the youth ministry leaves a bit to be desired, but they’ve had a lot of members leave recently.

It might be also that the thing that finally broke through the walls of my mind and into my spirit was worship.

This overwhelming sensation that.. Something was out there.. That it wasn’t okay for me to be doing what I was.

That there was something better.

Something to break the chains.

God, I wish I could remember the songs they played that night. It was nearly two years ago..

Since, I have attended Teen Mania’s Acquire the Fire conference twice, and I must say, there are few things that beat worship at big stuff like that. It’s spectacular.

But anyway.

There are some songs that I  have grown tired of however.

I went to a very conservative “Christian” High School. We had chapel services every week and my senior year, (I graduated in May.) I and a couple friends took over (almost) every aspect of Chapel.

Holy crap were we excited.

But.

It didn’t work out like I had hoped it would.

With no one willing to play instruments live on stage, we were stuck with recordings that I downloaded off of YouTube and played over a projector. I didn’t get to pick the songs.

I was allowed to suggest, but it had to be approved by the singers. ie, a couple of girls on stage who did little more than mouth than words. I can’t really blame them though, its a tough room.

So I was stuck playing cramped Chris Tomlin songs that I’d heard a thousand times. I was not a happy camper.

By the end of the year I stopped attending the meetings we had.

I gave up trying.

HOWEVER!!

There is a bright side to this story.

We sowed a seed in that School.

From now on, policy is that the Student Ministry Team is in charge of Chapel and National Day of Pray etc.

One day.

God will move in that School, and they will experience growth like they’ve never seen.

All they need is a little ambition.

And of course, they need to

Trust in God. He knows better than you do. ~Pajamaed

In Memory

Thoughts from Hazel

Ecclesiastes 7:10 “Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?”
For it is not wise to ask such questions.”

I’ve always leaned a bit towards nostalgia despite the danger it bears against the future.  So when I found this verse, it struck me in a way that was painful.  There’s not really any room around it or for interpretation.  It’s something incredibly difficult to face.

Looking back is one thing, and I will with fondness and inspection.  I will remember, but I will not wish for the past again.  There is so much more ahead…  Taking the past is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s not a fantasy to long for, nor something you can just set aside.  So take a deep breath and swallow the truth.

In memory of the sunsets,
In memory of the moon,
In memory of the branches,
In memory of the…

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One AM

It’s one AM.

I’m the last one awake. My parents always ask me why I stay up so late.

It’s because late at night is the only time I can think straight without someone calling me. Late at night is when I get to be alone, just me and God. It’s when I do most of my thinking, writing, and reading. This is when my mind is the clearest. When I am free.

When my thoughts are truly my own.

Some of the deepest and most meaningful conversations in my life have taken place past 11 pm. I just like the peace that night brings.

Tonight, I am on vacation. We’ve rented a house on Lake Gaston for the week. I’ve used a lot of this time to read and play a little Bioshock. Listen to some good worship music and read my bible.

Like I said in my last post, I’m trying to make a massive decision. I’m considering council and thinking and praying.

Costa Rica, or Milan.

The choice is mine.

This has never been the case before. Normally, choices like this have been made for me. By my parents or some other entity thereof. But for the first time in my life, this choice is mine.

I haven’t decided yet.

But I expect, that if my life retains its present course, the choice will be made after one AM. When I am alone.

With just me and God.

Amo La Mia Vita. ~pajamaed

Expectations of Reality

I’ve reached a cross roads of my life and I don’t know what to do.

I come from a long line of people who are “successful” and they expect me to do more of the same.

In fact they expect me to do more.

People in my life seem to be in constant pursuit of success, always chasing money.

They don’t look happy.

Why would I want to try and accomplish something that looks like such utter misery?

I don’t feel motivated to be successful. I just want to be happy.

I’ve come to realize, (with a little help) that I had convinced myself that I wanted goals that I had not set for me. Goals that other people told me I needed to do.

My father has told me for a very long time that to support a family in the modern US would cost a minimum of 100k a year. I don’t know if I want to live in the US.

I really just want to go where God tells me to go.

But I am so very scared.

Uncertainty has always been a foothold of fear in the past for me. I don’t like not knowing. It bothers me.

I just want to be happy but I don’t want to disappoint all the people who have done their best to help me in my life.

I don’t want to go to college to get an education that I don’t want or need.

I just want to be free to do what I choose, or what he chooses for me.

I just don’t know.

How do you shatter all the expectations of everyone around you?

…This sucks.

I need to think some more.

Trust in God. He knows better than you do. ~Pajamaed

Growing Up

Growing up- it seems each individual faces this part of life at some point and everyone handles this idea differently. Some choose to ignore it and wish it away while others make plans. Some are blindsided when the thought of growing up and making it on your own actually approaches. Honestly, we all have to grow up at some point, there is no avoiding this fact but none of us have to face this alone. Yes- getting older and realizing that you can’t rely on your parents to take care of you forever is intimidating-but- it shouldn’t put your life in the path of fear. A good friend of mine always believed in the power of optimism and this is something that I have taken to heart.

(Matthew 21:22) “You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it”. New Living Translation. I have faith that God hears me when I speak to Him in prayer, what better to address Him with than positive thinking?

Life isn’t meant to be easy, sin entered the world and corrupted mankind ,that alone contributes to the difficulty and obstacles we humans face in our everyday lives, however, life is not impossible. There is a reason Believers encourage one another by saying ” With God all things are possible” With God, our God, LIFE is possible, He breathed life into existence. So yes, growing up means we as young adults have to enter into full adulthood and the full responsibilities of life, but we are never alone. This obstacle is just one of the many things that can bring us closer to God. No person on earth has all of the answers, but by believing in God and trusting that He will make a way for us there is nothing to fear. Stressing and worrying over something accomplishes nothing, in fact, these actions only waste time and energy. Rather than focusing on the solving our problems alone we should turn to God. I have continued to trust in the power of prayer. I have witnessed life changing prayer requests be answered, something that only supports my trust in talking to God. As I’m approaching the transition of becoming an adult I have to remember to trust in God. I have to trust that He has a purpose and a path for my life and if I rely on Him, He will help me through everything. If God can conquer death and breath life why should I fear the fulfillment of the responsibilities of growing up?

While on earth we seek friendship among people who share common beliefs or interests. These friendships can be with people who support us, comfort us, encourage us, pray for us, laugh and cry with us but no friendship is ever guaranteed to last. The one thing that will always remain constant in our lives is the fellowship that we have with God. He is always going to be there with us no matter what happens in our lives. — This may seem irrelevant to the “growing up” thing but it’s not. In our times of need or frustration, or even joy we turn to our friends, but we must also remember to include God. He gave us life and He will help us live it. — Never underestimate the power of Prayer.

And The Freedom Of His Life